In the beginning, I had difficulties with practicing my Atma Kriya Yoga. It felt as if there was something dangerous about it. I felt afraid and avoided it, but never understood the reason.
One day I was reading in the Bhagavad Gita. I studied the first chapter thoroughly. Later that day I practiced my AKY and suddenly something strange happened. With closed eyes, I saw myself standing on that chariot in the middle of the battlefield of Kurukshetra. I saw my enemies, the Kurus, standing in front of me. And as I looked further, I saw that they were my bad qualities, waiting to fight with me. I saw Bhishma, my ego, standing straight and saying, ‘No, you will not do your Kriya’ because that would kill me.
I heard them blowing their conches. All of my negative qualities were there to fight for their life: laziness, sluggishness, tiredness, anxiety, narrow-mindedness. They all blew their conches and my body was trembling. I felt fear, my hair was standing on end, and I felt like Arjuna. I did not want to fight. I felt overwhelmed. But at the same moment, I was so happy because I understood why I was so afraid of practicing. It was my ego, that kept saying to me that it is dangerous and that I should not engage in it. It tricked me.
From that day on, I had a different approach to my practice. I knew that it was a struggle. And now I don’t fight against a shadow army but face-to-face with my bad qualities. It is still no fun for me but I know that it is the only way to get rid of it. I feel it every time. It is like winning a battle.
WesternYogi
